Last Saturday marked one month since my bypass surgery. When I think back to what I experienced, it seems like so long ago, until I start coughing. My chest still clicks when I move or cough which reminds me of the 6 nickel plated stainless steel 12 gauge cables tying my sternum together. Can't wait to try it out at the airport. Or at least see it in a chest xray.
My incisions are healing, my leg is not as swollen and I am waiting for my sutures to dissolve. It has been suggested (ok it's me) for Halloween I dress up as a heart patient with an open shirt exposing my scars. I only need to find a hospital gown with no back. Not really, I still have a hard time looking at the chest incision in the mirror. I tend to freak when Gayle examines it by touching it.
I was asked by Gayle what I was thinking of just before I went under. When people talk about the bright light at the end of the tunnel, I assume they are mistaking those lights for the bright lights of the operating room. I don't remember a tunnel. I don't remember a presence. My thoughts ran more about how the Christian faith applies to the situation. When someone dies, do they lay in a purgatory mode of sleep or do they function as a spirit as most would believe. That and if I would see my family again. Then I woke up.
I find that we as the living tend to create scenarios that comfort us. Parents watching over us, angels protecting us, a better life in the afterlife. As one who almost went there early, I have no idea, but have my doubts about our perceptions on what comforts us. I still struggle with that. The only thing I can come up with is that I was not meant to go yet.....and I was given additional time to.......I'll let you know when I figure it out.
I don't see this turning out to be a Ebeneezer Scrooge transformation. What makes me, me is my foilbles. Good and bad. What may change is my perspective.
I have had a few significant friends in my life taken at a relatively young age. Linda Heng, Mark Sakanashi, Gail Toguchi Yoshimine, Todd Sakata. These were active, productive servants in the church and their community. And Im still here.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Friday, October 7, 2011
Observations
-The first day of my hospital stay was laying in a bed in ICU. Early that morning they did an angiogram and found the blockage. They left a balloon pump in to ease the pain and the plan was for me to rest as they will operate the next day. According to Gayle, she was told that anything could happen, a heart attack, stroke or various other issues that might alter that plan. It reminded me of the draft lottery during the Vietnam war. Your fate is dependent on the the random selection of events of life. So I am laying there with tubes and IVs coming out of me, either sleeping or waiting. I vaguely recall people coming to visit. Apparently there were a few that just watched me sleep.
Nakedness. I never knew what naked meant until I was shaved of every hair on my body. A strange feeling.
Poked, exposed and naked: You get used to the fact that you are like an open museum exhibit with people constantly coming to view, touch, withdraw fluids or try to inject you with some substance.
Catheter: well, in a word, freedom. No trying to urinate in a bottle, no worrying about fluid intake, waking up in the middle of the night, etc. Only the restriction of movement.
Trust: Remember the trust walk of church camp? Well that compares little to the trust in the staff, especially the ICU nurses. You want to do what? Ok go ahead.....
Cost of Medicine: If I add up the value of the equipment used, drugs dispensed, labor of the staff, etc., I have exceeded my net worth. Thank goodness for Health Insurance, even with deductables.... The guy next to me had a stent put in and had no insurance. They told him he was discharged and to get a check up at the county hospital or free clinic. They warned him to don't stop taking his meds, but didn't offer much in assistance for the cost of those meds.
Tough Love: ICU nurses. I have great respect for them.
Fight on: My heart surgeon made sure I was aware of his alma mater... I could see my friends Mel and Sam smile with approval as they watch from their seats at the Collesium.
If you are not wearing your bifocals, it is difficult to tell what the buttons on your bed are. Especially the call nurse button. Took me four days to figure it out.
Friends: You begin to understand the impact of friends and their support when in a helpless position. Thank you all.......
Nakedness. I never knew what naked meant until I was shaved of every hair on my body. A strange feeling.
Poked, exposed and naked: You get used to the fact that you are like an open museum exhibit with people constantly coming to view, touch, withdraw fluids or try to inject you with some substance.
Catheter: well, in a word, freedom. No trying to urinate in a bottle, no worrying about fluid intake, waking up in the middle of the night, etc. Only the restriction of movement.
Trust: Remember the trust walk of church camp? Well that compares little to the trust in the staff, especially the ICU nurses. You want to do what? Ok go ahead.....
Cost of Medicine: If I add up the value of the equipment used, drugs dispensed, labor of the staff, etc., I have exceeded my net worth. Thank goodness for Health Insurance, even with deductables.... The guy next to me had a stent put in and had no insurance. They told him he was discharged and to get a check up at the county hospital or free clinic. They warned him to don't stop taking his meds, but didn't offer much in assistance for the cost of those meds.
Tough Love: ICU nurses. I have great respect for them.
Fight on: My heart surgeon made sure I was aware of his alma mater... I could see my friends Mel and Sam smile with approval as they watch from their seats at the Collesium.
If you are not wearing your bifocals, it is difficult to tell what the buttons on your bed are. Especially the call nurse button. Took me four days to figure it out.
Friends: You begin to understand the impact of friends and their support when in a helpless position. Thank you all.......
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Five Percent
On Thurs. Sept 15th at a West high Band parent meeting around 7:30pm I felt a deep, sharp pain in the left side of my chest.
It was a pain I never experienced before and after 10 minutes it went away. Around 10pm later that night, it came back and did not go away. After 15 minutes, I went to the authoratative source of most people, the Internet to check on the symptoms of a heart attack. I searched multiple sites to verify the symptoms. My problem was that while the sites were consistant, I was not meeting most of the signs, I think I met about 1.5 of the symptoms. No pressure on the chest, numbness in the arms, etc. It was only when I felt like throwing up, I went to go get Gayle to take me to the hospital.
Long story short, I had open heart bypass surgery on Sat.Sept. 17th 2011. Quadruple bypass surgery due to 97% blockage in four arteries.
Why 5%? On a previous blog, I shared that Gayle's brother had a heart attack in Feb. of this year. I called our Dr. the next day to get a referral to a Cardiac Doctor to get Gayle checked out. It is her side of the family that has a history of heart disease. Of course I made the appointment, drove her there and waited for her. She was a little irritated at me, especially since she passed with no problems. To appease her, I scheduled an appointment for myself the next week.
I also passed the EKG, Echo Cardiogram and Stress test. Since that time, I have pretty much lived my life as usual. Jeff's wedding, officiating basketball games, climbing stairs at work, going to various board meetings, etc.
But the comment that struck me the most was from the Cardiologist. I am among the 5% that pass the tests, yet usually experience what they call the widow maker. The guys who fall over dead with a massive heart attack. Gayle always says I am definitely not normal. I guess it worked in my favor this time.......
You will see over the next few weeks posts of what I went through, both physically and emotionally.
It was a pain I never experienced before and after 10 minutes it went away. Around 10pm later that night, it came back and did not go away. After 15 minutes, I went to the authoratative source of most people, the Internet to check on the symptoms of a heart attack. I searched multiple sites to verify the symptoms. My problem was that while the sites were consistant, I was not meeting most of the signs, I think I met about 1.5 of the symptoms. No pressure on the chest, numbness in the arms, etc. It was only when I felt like throwing up, I went to go get Gayle to take me to the hospital.
Long story short, I had open heart bypass surgery on Sat.Sept. 17th 2011. Quadruple bypass surgery due to 97% blockage in four arteries.
Why 5%? On a previous blog, I shared that Gayle's brother had a heart attack in Feb. of this year. I called our Dr. the next day to get a referral to a Cardiac Doctor to get Gayle checked out. It is her side of the family that has a history of heart disease. Of course I made the appointment, drove her there and waited for her. She was a little irritated at me, especially since she passed with no problems. To appease her, I scheduled an appointment for myself the next week.
I also passed the EKG, Echo Cardiogram and Stress test. Since that time, I have pretty much lived my life as usual. Jeff's wedding, officiating basketball games, climbing stairs at work, going to various board meetings, etc.
But the comment that struck me the most was from the Cardiologist. I am among the 5% that pass the tests, yet usually experience what they call the widow maker. The guys who fall over dead with a massive heart attack. Gayle always says I am definitely not normal. I guess it worked in my favor this time.......
You will see over the next few weeks posts of what I went through, both physically and emotionally.
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