I'm still here

Last Saturday marked one month since my bypass surgery. When I think back to what I experienced, it seems like so long ago, until I start coughing. My chest still clicks when I move or cough which reminds me of the 6 nickel plated stainless steel 12 gauge cables tying my sternum together. Can't wait to try it out at the airport. Or at least see it in a chest xray.

My incisions are healing, my leg is not as swollen and I am waiting for my sutures to dissolve. It has been suggested (ok it's me) for Halloween I dress up as a heart patient with an open shirt exposing my scars. I only need to find a hospital gown with no back. Not really, I still have a hard time looking at the chest incision in the mirror. I tend to freak when Gayle examines it by touching it.

I was asked by Gayle what I was thinking of just before I went under. When people talk about the bright light at the end of the tunnel, I assume they are mistaking those lights for the bright lights of the operating room. I don't remember a tunnel. I don't remember a presence. My thoughts ran more about how the Christian faith applies to the situation. When someone dies, do they lay in a purgatory mode of sleep or do they function as a spirit as most would believe. That and if I would see my family again. Then I woke up.

I find that we as the living tend to create scenarios that comfort us. Parents watching over us, angels protecting us, a better life in the afterlife. As one who almost went there early, I have no idea, but have my doubts about our perceptions on what comforts us. I still struggle with that. The only thing I can come up with is that I was not meant to go yet.....and I was given additional time to.......I'll let you know when I figure it out.

I don't see this turning out to be a Ebeneezer Scrooge transformation. What makes me, me is my foilbles. Good and bad. What may change is my perspective.

I have had a few significant friends in my life taken at a relatively young age. Linda Heng, Mark Sakanashi, Gail Toguchi Yoshimine, Todd Sakata. These were active, productive servants in the church and their community. And Im still here.