Just when I start feeling comfortable with the process of dealing with stage 3 Colon cancer, I get hit with accounts of others that had stage 3 and 4 and did not survive. It becomes more apparent that is the example of what it means to persevere. It not only is the physical and mental aspects of surviving surgery and chemo, but also the emotional toughness to continue when there are overwhelming accounts of folks that have not survived.
The guilt factor has not taken hold of me. I know of too many folks and friends that have been taken way too early. There should be some bit of contemplation of why am I still here. I still have my hopes for the future, more grand kids, hope that both Gayle and I are healthy enough to reach retirement and beyond. These are assumptions that I will be cancer free and nothing else will pop up. But we all know life does not always deal those cards.
So the search for the joy continues. It may seem obvious for some, but I am still struggling with it. My earthly joy is my family, which often can obscure the need for spiritual assurance. My health issues have exposed that void. I now better understand the need of spiritual assurance during times of doubt. I am still working on the heavenly joy.
Thanksgiving will be at home. Low white cell count and other blood factors limits my exposure to people who might be sick. Jared came home only to be exiled to the Merit house with Judy and Cliff. He is recovering from a cold.
Happy Thanksgiving
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