The main purpose of the blog is to give me a vent to express myself. The second is to document my life's events so I can go back and refresh my memory. I don't readily remember a lot of what I went through with my battle with cancer or I should say remember the emotional factors. The memories and feelings come flooding back as I read the past posts.
The memories come flooding back when I come across someone who went through or is going through similar experiences. Cancer is specific and not universal. My colon cancer experience is definitely different than those who have breast cancer. But the fear is the same.
When I refer to memories, they are not just a recollection of events. But they are deeply tied to emotional feelings. The early mornings where I can't sleep and in bed sitting up brings back not just the memories, but that desolate feeling of isolation. Hearing someone describe chemo brings back the roller coaster of feelings. Seeing a commercial for Neulastra brings back memories of waiting for the module to click off. There are at times the neuropathy reminds me of the Chemo process, but only when it flares up.
It seems distant, but recently too many triggers have brought back the fear.
Thursday, January 11, 2018
The Little Guys
The Grand sons were here for two weeks and just left for home yesterday. It was exhausting, but worth every second. There are a few observations:
Pokemon is still alive and well.
Digimon is making comeback.
4 year olds are tall enough for Space and Splash Mountain.
2 year olds have an insatiable appetite (Blueberries are a favorite).
Nerf Gun Darts hurt.
Amazon Prime did not disappoint.
Legoland is not that much cheaper than Disneyland.
Wada Miyoshi genes produce dense offspring (body density).
#1 Grandson frustrates Grandma when he can outperform her K students.
Two grandsons with four uncles are a lot of testosterone.
You are unlikely to win a argument with a two year old.
Face time is no substitute for an actual hug.
Pokemon is still alive and well.
Digimon is making comeback.
4 year olds are tall enough for Space and Splash Mountain.
2 year olds have an insatiable appetite (Blueberries are a favorite).
Nerf Gun Darts hurt.
Amazon Prime did not disappoint.
Legoland is not that much cheaper than Disneyland.
Wada Miyoshi genes produce dense offspring (body density).
#1 Grandson frustrates Grandma when he can outperform her K students.
Two grandsons with four uncles are a lot of testosterone.
You are unlikely to win a argument with a two year old.
Face time is no substitute for an actual hug.
The Senior Phase
I admit I try to avoid the subject of Faith in this blog, but something hit a nerve.
A friend recently voiced that our age bracket has been marginalized by society. We are no longer the focus or a desired group other than for AARP, Pharmaceuticals and Help, I've fallen and I can't get up. That came to light recently when visiting Legoland with the family and grand kids. We were not allowed to drive home due to our age (old, tired, night time). Ouch. OK it was nice to sit in the back and talk to the grand kids and nap, but really?
Then came the news that a Pastor we know was guided to retirement. This was not his intention at this time. He is not the first that we know of. The church is in transition and needs the guidance of younger pastors. We felt that at our son's former church, where we were by far the oldest and a small minority. The church focus was definitely not on our age group, nor valued other than as advisers in life. The church was founded as a young congregation and their focus changes as the leadership age.
My demographic within the Asian American Christian community is fading. What do you do with those old folks? These are the folks that was part of the Asian American church movement of the 70s. Camps and community bible groups, a movement that attracted other Asians looking for a more contemporary church not bound by cultural restrictions, worship songs that challenged the stodginess of organ driven Hymns. They transition to the Prime Timers Social group with monthly social events and seminars on retirement.
I found that at a previous church, I avoided the "contemporary " second service due to the volume during their praise worship. My ears started to ache and the only solution was to wear ear plugs. The volume of the electric guitars and the impact of the drums drove me out. Apparently youth praise songs only are effective at loud volumes. Rock on. I was being forced to the traditional service.
I acknowledge that I am out of touch with the current church, I no longer recognize any of the praise songs, only when an occasional hymn has sneaked in with a up to date arrangement. The songs we grew up with during our youth are non existent. It's as if they never existed, and that the youth movement towards Asian American Christianity that the Japanese American Church pioneered is only a memory. I need to dig out my JEMS CD on old worship songs.
So what do you do with us now? I am not willing to transition to senior socialization. Where is the our place in the body of the church? Are we like the appendix, removable with no real function? I always believed in the multi generational church. I never did like the separate "youth oriented" group within a church. But if you believe in that model, how do you integrate into a changing congregation?
Last time I read the Bible (I admit it has been some time) I don't remember the part where we retire from Christian service. So what do we do with these retired pastors? Are they destined to minister to the Seniors group? Some end up teaching Bible Study (Ron Matsuda at Gardena Valley Baptist is a great example). Have you met a retired Pastor? They are not retired. They still yearn to serve God, they still yearn to minister to those in need. They do not give up on sharing their faith.
A friend recently voiced that our age bracket has been marginalized by society. We are no longer the focus or a desired group other than for AARP, Pharmaceuticals and Help, I've fallen and I can't get up. That came to light recently when visiting Legoland with the family and grand kids. We were not allowed to drive home due to our age (old, tired, night time). Ouch. OK it was nice to sit in the back and talk to the grand kids and nap, but really?
Then came the news that a Pastor we know was guided to retirement. This was not his intention at this time. He is not the first that we know of. The church is in transition and needs the guidance of younger pastors. We felt that at our son's former church, where we were by far the oldest and a small minority. The church focus was definitely not on our age group, nor valued other than as advisers in life. The church was founded as a young congregation and their focus changes as the leadership age.
My demographic within the Asian American Christian community is fading. What do you do with those old folks? These are the folks that was part of the Asian American church movement of the 70s. Camps and community bible groups, a movement that attracted other Asians looking for a more contemporary church not bound by cultural restrictions, worship songs that challenged the stodginess of organ driven Hymns. They transition to the Prime Timers Social group with monthly social events and seminars on retirement.
I found that at a previous church, I avoided the "contemporary " second service due to the volume during their praise worship. My ears started to ache and the only solution was to wear ear plugs. The volume of the electric guitars and the impact of the drums drove me out. Apparently youth praise songs only are effective at loud volumes. Rock on. I was being forced to the traditional service.
I acknowledge that I am out of touch with the current church, I no longer recognize any of the praise songs, only when an occasional hymn has sneaked in with a up to date arrangement. The songs we grew up with during our youth are non existent. It's as if they never existed, and that the youth movement towards Asian American Christianity that the Japanese American Church pioneered is only a memory. I need to dig out my JEMS CD on old worship songs.
So what do you do with us now? I am not willing to transition to senior socialization. Where is the our place in the body of the church? Are we like the appendix, removable with no real function? I always believed in the multi generational church. I never did like the separate "youth oriented" group within a church. But if you believe in that model, how do you integrate into a changing congregation?
Last time I read the Bible (I admit it has been some time) I don't remember the part where we retire from Christian service. So what do we do with these retired pastors? Are they destined to minister to the Seniors group? Some end up teaching Bible Study (Ron Matsuda at Gardena Valley Baptist is a great example). Have you met a retired Pastor? They are not retired. They still yearn to serve God, they still yearn to minister to those in need. They do not give up on sharing their faith.
Saturday, January 6, 2018
New Year Resolution
At dinner tonight with some friends, the question of not what our New Year Resolution was, but what goal do we want to achieve in 2018 that will rock me to my core.
Ouch... I will get back when I come up with one.
Ouch... I will get back when I come up with one.
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