The main purpose of the blog is to give me a vent to express myself. The second is to document my life's events so I can go back and refresh my memory. I don't readily remember a lot of what I went through with my battle with cancer or I should say remember the emotional factors. The memories and feelings come flooding back as I read the past posts.
The memories come flooding back when I come across someone who went through or is going through similar experiences. Cancer is specific and not universal. My colon cancer experience is definitely different than those who have breast cancer. But the fear is the same.
When I refer to memories, they are not just a recollection of events. But they are deeply tied to emotional feelings. The early mornings where I can't sleep and in bed sitting up brings back not just the memories, but that desolate feeling of isolation. Hearing someone describe chemo brings back the roller coaster of feelings. Seeing a commercial for Neulastra brings back memories of waiting for the module to click off. There are at times the neuropathy reminds me of the Chemo process, but only when it flares up.
It seems distant, but recently too many triggers have brought back the fear.
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