Friday, April 17, 2020

Losing It

As I have written in the past, this all seems familiar.  During six months of Chemo Therapy, I was confined to the house, wearing a mask in public, washing my hands, and practicing isolation.  OK, I admit I have practicing isolation most of my life.

Only three weeks in, I started to feel the walls close in.  Being in Jordan's old room, tied to my work laptop and cell phone, I was mentally suffocating.  When Gayle is on her zoom conferences, Im stuck in the room with only access to the bathroom.  I can easily hear her scream for help (don't tell her as I often claim ignorance) or talk with her colleagues and student's parents.  And that is with the hall and bedroom door closed.  When I get desperate, I sneak out the front door.

Gayle tends to disappear in the early morning, coming home some time later with bags of stuff.  Groceries, stuff from her classroom, Daiso, and various snacks and lunch items.  Me, I walk out the front door and pull weeds.  Yes, you have figured out that after more than three weeks I am still pulling weeds.  I have enough stress relieving work for at least another month.

I thought I would not ever miss Chemo, but at times, it was easier to cope, due to unavoidable known physical condition.  Today is avoiding some feared unknown.  Hope you are safe and well.


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