Just when I start feeling comfortable with the process of dealing with stage 3 Colon cancer, I get hit with accounts of others that had stage 3 and 4 and did not survive. It becomes more apparent that is the example of what it means to persevere. It not only is the physical and mental aspects of surviving surgery and chemo, but also the emotional toughness to continue when there are overwhelming accounts of folks that have not survived.
The guilt factor has not taken hold of me. I know of too many folks and friends that have been taken way too early. There should be some bit of contemplation of why am I still here. I still have my hopes for the future, more grand kids, hope that both Gayle and I are healthy enough to reach retirement and beyond. These are assumptions that I will be cancer free and nothing else will pop up. But we all know life does not always deal those cards.
So the search for the joy continues. It may seem obvious for some, but I am still struggling with it. My earthly joy is my family, which often can obscure the need for spiritual assurance. My health issues have exposed that void. I now better understand the need of spiritual assurance during times of doubt. I am still working on the heavenly joy.
Thanksgiving will be at home. Low white cell count and other blood factors limits my exposure to people who might be sick. Jared came home only to be exiled to the Merit house with Judy and Cliff. He is recovering from a cold.
Happy Thanksgiving
Wednesday, November 23, 2016
Saturday, November 19, 2016
Round 5
There remains an unpredictability in the chemo therapy process other than its effectivity. For the second time, the infusion for round 5 has been postponed one week due low white cell count. It's bothersome in that it not only pushes out the chemo process window to Feb., it affects thanksgiving. Chemo is now scheduled for Tues. of next week. They moved it up one day to give me a little more time before Thanksgiving.
The effects of the infusion is worse the week of the procedure, especially the first three days. I still have not resolved the nausea and daily vomiting. Eating is not the worse part, not feeling well and fatigue is. Therefore we are adjusting our Thanksgiving plans to be determined on how I am feeling. But it will be good to have #3 home for the weekend.
As you can tell sleep issues continue. Late night, early mornings are prime time for web surfing, thinking and frequent relief visits due to my increased intake of fluids. Blogging becomes a little more challenging with the one finger typing on the IPad.
The effects of the infusion is worse the week of the procedure, especially the first three days. I still have not resolved the nausea and daily vomiting. Eating is not the worse part, not feeling well and fatigue is. Therefore we are adjusting our Thanksgiving plans to be determined on how I am feeling. But it will be good to have #3 home for the weekend.
As you can tell sleep issues continue. Late night, early mornings are prime time for web surfing, thinking and frequent relief visits due to my increased intake of fluids. Blogging becomes a little more challenging with the one finger typing on the IPad.
Thursday, November 3, 2016
Tina to the Rescue
On a previous post I had shown a picture of the pill bag Tina made for me that I carry around religiously. It was a more masculine version of the borrowed one she made for Gayle. The morning after posting my adventures with nausea I found a package on my doorstep. Apparently the Japanese have products that deal with this sort of problems. They are bags from Daiso that are used mainly for bodily function disposal. It is a bag with gel to absorb liquids and neutralize odors. They include a bag to dispose of the inner bag.
Leave it to the Japanese to invent the product and leave it to Tina to find it. If you ever have been at Daiso, you know it would take a few days of searching to even come across the product. That does not include picking it up, reading the instructions and understanding the translation. My backpack, car and jacket pocket now have them ready for use.
I did meet with the nurse practitioner this afternoon and we are trying some alternative and additional meds to eliminate my daily visits. I am a little more understanding what women go through when they are nauseous during pregnancy. It is the female friends that offer suggestions of dealing with the nausea. The slightest smell, position or taste can set it off.
For the life of me, I can't remember how to spell nausea and it's various versions. I need to go back and edit check my previous posts for the spelling errors and spell check that inserted other words in it's place.
Update: Tina says it is in the travel section at Daiso.
Leave it to the Japanese to invent the product and leave it to Tina to find it. If you ever have been at Daiso, you know it would take a few days of searching to even come across the product. That does not include picking it up, reading the instructions and understanding the translation. My backpack, car and jacket pocket now have them ready for use.
I did meet with the nurse practitioner this afternoon and we are trying some alternative and additional meds to eliminate my daily visits. I am a little more understanding what women go through when they are nauseous during pregnancy. It is the female friends that offer suggestions of dealing with the nausea. The slightest smell, position or taste can set it off.
For the life of me, I can't remember how to spell nausea and it's various versions. I need to go back and edit check my previous posts for the spelling errors and spell check that inserted other words in it's place.
Update: Tina says it is in the travel section at Daiso.
The Porcelain god
Subject Warning: Vomiting
I have inherited an intolerance for alcohol from my father. I can tolerate maybe one or two sips of beer before I start feeling sick, and it would not take consuming the whole bottle to induce vomiting.
This creates problems of various proportions. At one time I was thinking of joining a group dealing with Businesses in Japan. As most know, socialization based on alcohol after hours is a requirement. Not to mention my dislike for the taste of most alcoholic beverages (beer and wine in particular, sake being the exception).
I have adjusted by not participating in most social activities where alcohol is involved. This is not the main reason for my anti socialization tendencies, but a factor. I don't mind other people drinking, and my family members have not inherited the trait. So it is not unusual to find beer or wine in the house.
All of this leads to the porcelain god, the toilet. On our honeymoon, the hotel left us a bottle of complementary champagne. I took two sips and ending up the entire evening in the bathroom. Gayle on the other hand ended up ordering room service and enjoyed a nice meal. I assume it was very nice from the charge on my bill. From that point on, I avoided that experience other than due to illness.
With Chemo, especially this latest round (round 4) I have found myself meeting the receptacle about twice a day. Our visits are unpredictable and usually short in duration. But what has come out is not one would expect. I never experienced the pleasure of vomiting water before. I do take anti nausea medications, but for some reason I assumed it would eliminate the nausea. It lessens the affect and produces some unexpected side events.
Usually after my visit, things calm down and within an hour I am settled down. Lately the visits have been late at night or early morning causing disruptions in my sleep patterns. I have been learning the early signs that I might require a visit, but am being proactive in always carrying a bag with me (I wonder if Amazon sells airline barf bags).
So if you see me suddenly excuse myself without saying anything, you can guess what may be occurring. Thanks for your understanding and willingness to allow me to discuss the subject.
I have inherited an intolerance for alcohol from my father. I can tolerate maybe one or two sips of beer before I start feeling sick, and it would not take consuming the whole bottle to induce vomiting.
This creates problems of various proportions. At one time I was thinking of joining a group dealing with Businesses in Japan. As most know, socialization based on alcohol after hours is a requirement. Not to mention my dislike for the taste of most alcoholic beverages (beer and wine in particular, sake being the exception).
I have adjusted by not participating in most social activities where alcohol is involved. This is not the main reason for my anti socialization tendencies, but a factor. I don't mind other people drinking, and my family members have not inherited the trait. So it is not unusual to find beer or wine in the house.
All of this leads to the porcelain god, the toilet. On our honeymoon, the hotel left us a bottle of complementary champagne. I took two sips and ending up the entire evening in the bathroom. Gayle on the other hand ended up ordering room service and enjoyed a nice meal. I assume it was very nice from the charge on my bill. From that point on, I avoided that experience other than due to illness.
With Chemo, especially this latest round (round 4) I have found myself meeting the receptacle about twice a day. Our visits are unpredictable and usually short in duration. But what has come out is not one would expect. I never experienced the pleasure of vomiting water before. I do take anti nausea medications, but for some reason I assumed it would eliminate the nausea. It lessens the affect and produces some unexpected side events.
Usually after my visit, things calm down and within an hour I am settled down. Lately the visits have been late at night or early morning causing disruptions in my sleep patterns. I have been learning the early signs that I might require a visit, but am being proactive in always carrying a bag with me (I wonder if Amazon sells airline barf bags).
So if you see me suddenly excuse myself without saying anything, you can guess what may be occurring. Thanks for your understanding and willingness to allow me to discuss the subject.
Tuesday, October 25, 2016
Support
Gayle gently drove me to an introductory cancer support group meeting this evening. She had gone last week and decided it would be good for me to attend. Remember me mentioning that often she has these ideas that are good, but difficult to implement?
So what is so difficult to implement here? Let's list the issues, I am a guy, who is not very verbal in person, who does not freely express his feelings, privately or publicly, who tends to be anti social in nature. What can go wrong here?
The support groups are designed to give you a perspective of you are not alone. Their goal is to get you into groups that are targeted for your type of cancer. This doesn't sound like that bad of idea does it. That is the problem. My normal George says, don't do it, my conscious George (Gayle) says it would be a good thing to do.
As you may know, as I age, normal George's won loss record is slanted to the loss side. Conscious George (Gayle) has been gaining steam and winning by large land slides. But normal George still has that inborn stubborn streak. As we can tell by my medical history, that stubborn streak probably contributed to the bypass surgery and late colonoscopy. Conscious George (Gayle) has been running at about 95% correct. I reserve the 5% for the margin of error and preservation of my ego.
So you get this feeling of where this all is heading.
So what is so difficult to implement here? Let's list the issues, I am a guy, who is not very verbal in person, who does not freely express his feelings, privately or publicly, who tends to be anti social in nature. What can go wrong here?
The support groups are designed to give you a perspective of you are not alone. Their goal is to get you into groups that are targeted for your type of cancer. This doesn't sound like that bad of idea does it. That is the problem. My normal George says, don't do it, my conscious George (Gayle) says it would be a good thing to do.
As you may know, as I age, normal George's won loss record is slanted to the loss side. Conscious George (Gayle) has been gaining steam and winning by large land slides. But normal George still has that inborn stubborn streak. As we can tell by my medical history, that stubborn streak probably contributed to the bypass surgery and late colonoscopy. Conscious George (Gayle) has been running at about 95% correct. I reserve the 5% for the margin of error and preservation of my ego.
So you get this feeling of where this all is heading.
Wednesday, October 5, 2016
Update: Round 3
White blood count came back up and round 3was administered. This time around I have immediately
felt the side effects. I'm a bit unsteady (shaky) even when I'm walking. My new tradition with the start of each new round is a bowl of chicken pho. As I began to eat my soup, I had visions of my dad in his later years shaking as he ate. I'm sitting there trying to lift the plastic soup spoon with my hand shaking and mouth vibrating out of sync with the hand. To make things more difficult, I was unable to enjoy a glass of lemonade and soda (similar to a Lemon Squash drink in Japan) or a lettuce wrapped egg roll. Even taking the three chemo pills after dinner was difficult. As I'm sitting here, I feel a very slight vibration throughout the body. I can't figure out if it is a cumulative build up from previous rounds or the two weeks off due to the low white count.
Perspective check: I recently read that it is increasingly possible to live to 115. But I just may have a better understanding the inevitable degeneration of our bodies as we age. I should repeat that even in a crowded waiting room, I am still one of the youngest there.
Update: short term memory loss. I keep forgetting to run the faucet until the water warms up when washing my hands. Cold equals fuzzy electrical sensation on the skin.
felt the side effects. I'm a bit unsteady (shaky) even when I'm walking. My new tradition with the start of each new round is a bowl of chicken pho. As I began to eat my soup, I had visions of my dad in his later years shaking as he ate. I'm sitting there trying to lift the plastic soup spoon with my hand shaking and mouth vibrating out of sync with the hand. To make things more difficult, I was unable to enjoy a glass of lemonade and soda (similar to a Lemon Squash drink in Japan) or a lettuce wrapped egg roll. Even taking the three chemo pills after dinner was difficult. As I'm sitting here, I feel a very slight vibration throughout the body. I can't figure out if it is a cumulative build up from previous rounds or the two weeks off due to the low white count.
Perspective check: I recently read that it is increasingly possible to live to 115. But I just may have a better understanding the inevitable degeneration of our bodies as we age. I should repeat that even in a crowded waiting room, I am still one of the youngest there.
Update: short term memory loss. I keep forgetting to run the faucet until the water warms up when washing my hands. Cold equals fuzzy electrical sensation on the skin.
Saturday, October 1, 2016
Batter Up
I have a habit of waking up late and then head out searching for breakfast. Every once in awhile I end up at McDonalds for an egg mcmuffin. It became a watershed moment when the server automatically announced that she was giving me the senior coffee. Wait a minute, did I ask for the senior discount? Then I looked around me and noticed that everyone there were on the grey side. Apparently weekday mornings at Mc Donald's are a key time to find seniors. I humbly accepted my senior coffee.
Humility tends to come in bunches. I was confident about starting round 3 of chemo. I had my routine down. Schedule in the late afternoon, request a ride to get there, dress warmly with long pants, bring my backpack with all the essentials (iPod, headphones, iPad, books). I get called in to get my blood tested, then stroll in to select and settle into my recliner. Methodically positioning myself near an outlet and a view out the window. Then comes the news that my white blood count was too low and that my treatment will be postponed for another week. I pack up my stuff and shuffle out the room.
It was like being called to pinch hit in a baseball game. Getting your name called By the manager, selecting your bat, warming up in the batters circle taking practice swings in sync with the pitcher. Strolling up to the plate, settling in and ready to take that first pitch when you are called back to the dugout. You can tell I watched a Dodger game tonight.
I was told that this was not unusual. Apparently chemo does reduce the white blood count, and they did not want it going lower, increasing the risk for infection and the ability to fight back. But this pushes back my chemo schedule another week to end in late Jan. This pushes chemo into Thanksgiving and Christmas. It never occurred to me that there would be setbacks like this. Other than altering my calendars. It pushes back the goal or light at the end of the tunnel. Or as Gayle puts it, someone is trying to teach me something but i just don't quite get it.
Humility tends to come in bunches. I was confident about starting round 3 of chemo. I had my routine down. Schedule in the late afternoon, request a ride to get there, dress warmly with long pants, bring my backpack with all the essentials (iPod, headphones, iPad, books). I get called in to get my blood tested, then stroll in to select and settle into my recliner. Methodically positioning myself near an outlet and a view out the window. Then comes the news that my white blood count was too low and that my treatment will be postponed for another week. I pack up my stuff and shuffle out the room.
It was like being called to pinch hit in a baseball game. Getting your name called By the manager, selecting your bat, warming up in the batters circle taking practice swings in sync with the pitcher. Strolling up to the plate, settling in and ready to take that first pitch when you are called back to the dugout. You can tell I watched a Dodger game tonight.
I was told that this was not unusual. Apparently chemo does reduce the white blood count, and they did not want it going lower, increasing the risk for infection and the ability to fight back. But this pushes back my chemo schedule another week to end in late Jan. This pushes chemo into Thanksgiving and Christmas. It never occurred to me that there would be setbacks like this. Other than altering my calendars. It pushes back the goal or light at the end of the tunnel. Or as Gayle puts it, someone is trying to teach me something but i just don't quite get it.
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