Time to move on...

My second son Jordan has been the unsung hero of the family of late. He is the one who took care of me when I first came home from the hospital. He was the one who drove his little brother all over the place during my hospital stay. He is the one who came home during Jeff's back surgery two years ago. He does the things at home that most don't see. But it is time for him to move on.

He is still evaluating his options for his future. Now that I am almost back at work, it is time for him to move on. He has established himself as one of the louder and more colorful Wada cousin offspring.

One of the joys of being home is to watch the boys interact. There is the typical infighting, but when Jeff comes over, somehow the family cohesion takes over. There is a comfortableness among the persistent verbal jabbing at each other.

One of the joys of parenthood is to see how they develop and start their own lives in spite of how we raised them. The negative traits are easy to pick out, but the positive ones that make their foundation are the ones we take pride in.

As I see the boys move on, I have to put myself in that position too. I can't keep doing the same things as in the past. Board memberships will decrease, meetings will no longer take up every week night, I will hopefully see more of the sky than the inside of a gym on the weekend.

Don't Poke Me there......

This past weekend marked the 9th week since my surgery. The comment I get the most is that I look good. As I look in the mirror, I wonder how bad did I look before the surgery........ I have yet to fully accept what has occurred in my life. I still feel the incision in my right leg, and in my chest. Physically, final acceptance is when I can look at my chest scar everyday in the mirror and let Gayle poke me there. She does that when I get out of line and it gives me the willies when ever she tries to touch me there. She has a fascination with that scar.

It is starting to sink in that there was a good possibility that I might not have made it through the surgery. Gayle says she always knew that I would pull through. That has become our theological debate. I did not have the same confidence. When we are alone, it becomes more of a reality that I could have died earlier than what I expected.

The heart attack has become a metaphor for poking me in the chest of life.

What most folks don't realize is that I am in better physical condition heart wise than before the surgery. I had blockage in my arteries that are no longer there. I have full blood flow through my body with no known heart damage. I know folks with stents put in that don't fully recover due to heart damage.

Slight Modification

One of the major topics on my briefing before being released from the hospital was my diet.
The good news is that it will not change a lot. Gayle some years ago cut out red meat, salt and other things from our normal diet. But I did realize my diet at work needs to improve, a lot....

So how am I doing on my diet? Not bad, but the worst part is watching those tv commercials. You find out what you really can't eat by watching tv commercials. I never ate at Popeyes, but I have a craving for their new dipping chicken strips, french fries and cajun dipping sauce for $3.99. Now that I limit my hamburger intake, they are building a In and Out across the street on Hawthorne and Del Amo. Carls Jr. 6 dollar hamburgers look tempting even though I never ordered one.

I had a carne asada taco the other night and to be honest, did not miss the beef. I do miss tacos. Everytime we eat at a Mexican restaurant I order the chicken soup, but splurge on the chips and salsa.

I still drink a half cup of coffee (caffeinated) every morning, but just can't bring myself to decaf yet. I have a stock pile of decaf coffee that everyone has been bringing me, but Jordan and I have yet to start the neutered coffee habit yet......

I am looking forward to Thanksgiving, the one day I will allow myself to splurge. Gayle's brother Cliff is a fantastic cook and it is always a joy to eat his food. But since his health problems earlier this year, even he has changed how he eats. Instead of a pork roast, he chose leaner pork loin, the side dishes tend to be less fatty, but some of the true favorites remain. He did put his foot down when Gayle and Judy offered to make vegan side dishes.

I'm still here

Last Saturday marked one month since my bypass surgery. When I think back to what I experienced, it seems like so long ago, until I start coughing. My chest still clicks when I move or cough which reminds me of the 6 nickel plated stainless steel 12 gauge cables tying my sternum together. Can't wait to try it out at the airport. Or at least see it in a chest xray.

My incisions are healing, my leg is not as swollen and I am waiting for my sutures to dissolve. It has been suggested (ok it's me) for Halloween I dress up as a heart patient with an open shirt exposing my scars. I only need to find a hospital gown with no back. Not really, I still have a hard time looking at the chest incision in the mirror. I tend to freak when Gayle examines it by touching it.

I was asked by Gayle what I was thinking of just before I went under. When people talk about the bright light at the end of the tunnel, I assume they are mistaking those lights for the bright lights of the operating room. I don't remember a tunnel. I don't remember a presence. My thoughts ran more about how the Christian faith applies to the situation. When someone dies, do they lay in a purgatory mode of sleep or do they function as a spirit as most would believe. That and if I would see my family again. Then I woke up.

I find that we as the living tend to create scenarios that comfort us. Parents watching over us, angels protecting us, a better life in the afterlife. As one who almost went there early, I have no idea, but have my doubts about our perceptions on what comforts us. I still struggle with that. The only thing I can come up with is that I was not meant to go yet.....and I was given additional time to.......I'll let you know when I figure it out.

I don't see this turning out to be a Ebeneezer Scrooge transformation. What makes me, me is my foilbles. Good and bad. What may change is my perspective.

I have had a few significant friends in my life taken at a relatively young age. Linda Heng, Mark Sakanashi, Gail Toguchi Yoshimine, Todd Sakata. These were active, productive servants in the church and their community. And Im still here.

Observations

-The first day of my hospital stay was laying in a bed in ICU. Early that morning they did an angiogram and found the blockage. They left a balloon pump in to ease the pain and the plan was for me to rest as they will operate the next day. According to Gayle, she was told that anything could happen, a heart attack, stroke or various other issues that might alter that plan. It reminded me of the draft lottery during the Vietnam war. Your fate is dependent on the the random selection of events of life. So I am laying there with tubes and IVs coming out of me, either sleeping or waiting. I vaguely recall people coming to visit. Apparently there were a few that just watched me sleep.

Nakedness. I never knew what naked meant until I was shaved of every hair on my body. A strange feeling.

Poked, exposed and naked: You get used to the fact that you are like an open museum exhibit with people constantly coming to view, touch, withdraw fluids or try to inject you with some substance.

Catheter: well, in a word, freedom. No trying to urinate in a bottle, no worrying about fluid intake, waking up in the middle of the night, etc. Only the restriction of movement.

Trust: Remember the trust walk of church camp? Well that compares little to the trust in the staff, especially the ICU nurses. You want to do what? Ok go ahead.....

Cost of Medicine: If I add up the value of the equipment used, drugs dispensed, labor of the staff, etc., I have exceeded my net worth. Thank goodness for Health Insurance, even with deductables.... The guy next to me had a stent put in and had no insurance. They told him he was discharged and to get a check up at the county hospital or free clinic. They warned him to don't stop taking his meds, but didn't offer much in assistance for the cost of those meds.

Tough Love: ICU nurses. I have great respect for them.

Fight on: My heart surgeon made sure I was aware of his alma mater... I could see my friends Mel and Sam smile with approval as they watch from their seats at the Collesium.

If you are not wearing your bifocals, it is difficult to tell what the buttons on your bed are. Especially the call nurse button. Took me four days to figure it out.

Friends: You begin to understand the impact of friends and their support when in a helpless position. Thank you all.......

Five Percent

On Thurs. Sept 15th at a West high Band parent meeting around 7:30pm I felt a deep, sharp pain in the left side of my chest.
It was a pain I never experienced before and after 10 minutes it went away. Around 10pm later that night, it came back and did not go away. After 15 minutes, I went to the authoratative source of most people, the Internet to check on the symptoms of a heart attack. I searched multiple sites to verify the symptoms. My problem was that while the sites were consistant, I was not meeting most of the signs, I think I met about 1.5 of the symptoms. No pressure on the chest, numbness in the arms, etc. It was only when I felt like throwing up, I went to go get Gayle to take me to the hospital.

Long story short, I had open heart bypass surgery on Sat.Sept. 17th 2011. Quadruple bypass surgery due to 97% blockage in four arteries.

Why 5%? On a previous blog, I shared that Gayle's brother had a heart attack in Feb. of this year. I called our Dr. the next day to get a referral to a Cardiac Doctor to get Gayle checked out. It is her side of the family that has a history of heart disease. Of course I made the appointment, drove her there and waited for her. She was a little irritated at me, especially since she passed with no problems. To appease her, I scheduled an appointment for myself the next week.

I also passed the EKG, Echo Cardiogram and Stress test. Since that time, I have pretty much lived my life as usual. Jeff's wedding, officiating basketball games, climbing stairs at work, going to various board meetings, etc.

But the comment that struck me the most was from the Cardiologist. I am among the 5% that pass the tests, yet usually experience what they call the widow maker. The guys who fall over dead with a massive heart attack. Gayle always says I am definitely not normal. I guess it worked in my favor this time.......

You will see over the next few weeks posts of what I went through, both physically and emotionally.

What's next?

Jordan came home from France right after Memorial day. He was anxious to return rather than stay a few extra weeks. One of the adjustments he had was the amount of food we eat. We took him to a Mexican restrauant and he could not believe how much food he was served or how much Jared ate. He also commented that the noise level was almost unbearable, in France, you can speak softly and be easily heard.

He has yet to complete his blog on his adventures in France. Towards the end, the work load got to him and he was preparing to come home. We are trying to encourage him to write more on his adventures. He did take us out to a tree to show us how to remove a cork from a wine bottle with a shoe and a tree. It loses somethig in translation from the utube video. It's best to use a big tree. For some reason, everyone was reluctant to volunteer their shoe.

He then spent two weeks in San Diego visiting friends at UCSD. We figure he was camping out on his couch he lent out and we caught up with him at his graduation. 8am in the morning...... a cold, gloomy, misty morning with a ceremony that exceeded two hours. I don't know, High school graduation didn't seem to be that great an acomplishment (a typical asian view....you are expected to continue on to college.. and knowing that Jordan probably slept through half of high school). Though we are proud of his graduation, it seems anticlimatic, knowing that he is planning to go on to grad school. Talk about assumed expectations...... As parents, we expect our son's to achieve that level. Others would be estatic, Gayle and I are ...... whats next?

melancholy.

A family friend recently asked me if I had been updating the blog. Well as you can tell, no. My plan was to update until the Wedding, essentially closing out the recent journey of Jeff through his surgery to his adjustment back to life.
In May, it marked two years since his surgery. It was semi emotional for me. On the one hand there was still a sense of guilt of what we could have done. On the other, it was to admire how far he has come.
The wedding in July will be a watershed moment due to its significance on their future life, but also on their adjustment to what life has thrown at them. Jeff is not fully recovered, never will be, but he is highly functional. You could not tell what happened unless you notice the slight hitch in the way he walks. He was never a skier, or an avid outdoors person, but he is still able to play basketball in limited fashion.
Since Jordan has come home, it is comforting to see all three together doing the little things in life. Playing Nintendo, basketball, and on their computers all at the same time. At least for the next month.
We are seeing the future come quick. The invitations are out. Tiff moved into their apartment and they are slowly setting it up. It was a strange feeling the other weekend when both sets of parents were there helping to set up. It was a constant battle of what we want for them vs. what they want. It is their new home. Of course Jeff keeps looking at stuff at home to see what they can use. I am questioning whether they can put much more into that apartment and dreading the day they move elsewhere.
Jeff comes home each night after working on things with Tiff. Yesterday as the family gathered for Jordan’s graduation, she was correcting her bio papers while Jeff helped. Those of you married to teachers will understand. So come the end of July we step into a new phase, with hope and melancholy.

Be careful of what you post, someone might actually read it

I am just beginning to deal with and understand today’s world of communication. What comes to mind is the influence or power of the internet. My usual perspective as a parent is being careful of what you put on face book; literally, it is accessible by the whole world. I was going to use the term everyone, but recent events with Jordan has made me understand the impact a little more.

While I have begun to understand the impact of the Internet with the recent events in Japan, I can instantly access information about the Tsunami and it’s after affects, I was able to explore other perspectives other than CNN from other countries and those living over in Japan. But to be honest, it wasn’t until Jordan wrote his last blog and email that jolted me.

Two exchange students studying at Sciences Po University have recently lost their lives due to an apartment fire. One other is still in critical condition. Jordan naturally wrote about the incident in his blog, but little did he realize the impact he would have. When he first wrote about the incident, I went on a Google search to find out more information. I saw one small written report and one short video report. Both were non specific and short on details. It wasn’t he fire or smoke that directly caused their death, but it was the jump from the 5th floor apartment to escape the fire.

In Jordan’s blog, he mentioned the three students by name. The two students that died were from UC Berkeley and Sidney Australia, the other from Seattle. Due to the lack of information, or at least in English, relatives and friends in hit the Internet to find out what occurred and to verify the identities of the students. A search of their names turned up Jordan’s Blog. Over 2,000 hits in two days.

His new sense of responsibility was to be as accurate as possible. He has provided as much information as possible with links (the same ones I found) and the posted letter from the Director of Sciences Po. He has also contacted the University of California Student office in Paris and Sciences Po for statements and verification of information.
This has been a quick lesson in accountability and how what you post can have an impact on others lives.

Engineering Based Reality

Jordan's daily postings has somehow motivated me to be more current. I decided that the previous format was a little too dark.....so I am going with a brighter drab beige. I intend to post some pictures if I can ever take the time to figure out how to do it. The advantage I have is that my readership is limited even though accessable world wide. Which brings up my next diversion. We recently went to a family friend's daughter's wedding. We found that the new fun activity is photo booths. Yes, those curtained booths that you may remember from the mall or in my case, P.O.P. There was a line of guests all night. The participants and wedding couple each get a copy of the pictures.

Now the engineer in me thought "I can do that", words that strikes fear into Gayle's heart. So my new diversion is creating a photo booth for the wedding. Engineers do tend to be cheap and slightly in touch with reality. The Internet only encourages the delusion and the cost of creating one often exceeds the cost of renting one. I already downloaded some software, looking into the printer, modifying the computer setup and drawing up plans for the booth. At least I have 5 months to create, test and get approval from Jeff and Tiff. My budget is set, not including the cost of the photo paper and ink. As if I didn't have enough projects to do at home.

Now that Jordan has settled into his new living situation, we can relax a bit. Jeff continues to play basketball once a week. I mention this again as he is still adjusting to physical limitations. He also went running last night with Tiff. These are good signs.

Canes

I came across Jeff's assortment of canes tonight. As discussed in an earlier post, Dr. Long got rid of them to keep him from being dependant on them. It was a reminder to me of how far he has come. During Christmas, Jeff and Tiff's church, Lighthouse Community, has a Christmas Eve service. We attend every year as it is a simple celebration of Christ's birth. No blaring music, just a time to reflect and listen. The church usually has 4 members share their testimony. This year Jeff shared. He shared about his surgery and how he felt it was God teaching him his plan rather than Jeff's plan for his life. As a parent, it was a comfort to hear.

But as he spoke, I still felt the pangs of guilt. Could we have done something earlier, did we wait too long, could we have lessened severity of the injury. As I reflect on it now, Jeff's' message still has not sunk in. Resolving my guilt with the acceptance of Gods' will, will take a while longer than one night.

The Rate of Change

Changes are coming a little faster than I had anticipated this year. Yesterday we went with Jeff and Tiff to see the wedding site and taste test the reception food. As you might imagine, it was driven more by the female participants than the male ones. One tell tale sign was when they were discussing the color of the napkins. Tiff kept asking Jeff for his opinion. How do you tell between three shades of purple, what is the difference between pale yellow or poppy yellow? He did have an opinion on the food. I am actually excited for the wedding day. It is more of a comfort to see how Jeff and Tiff interact and care for each other. I am excited for their future.

It was a good time to get to know our future in laws. Howard and Bing invited us over for tea as they live close to the wedding site. It was interesting to hear about their conversion to Christianity and the influence they have had on their family and the numerous conversions. One of the topics that came up was on Asian culture. They are coming from a first generation Taiwan Chinese background, while we were trying to describe ourselves as more American Japanese vs Japanese, otherwise known these days a JA. that came up when we were trying to explain the thousand cranes as somehow being a cross over to being more of a JA tradition than Japanese. Tiff and Jeff are using cranes in their decorations. Just don't ask who is folding all those cranes.......

Lately I have been going through some sleepless nights. Last week I took Jordan to the airport for his trip to Paris, France. Since he just graduated from UCSD last month, we had anticipated that he would need to extend his health care by staying in school. This was in response to Jeff, my insurance cut him off within two weeks of his graduation. Since Jordan decided to apply to study abroad, Obama's health care plan went into effect where he gets covered until he is 25.

Gayle had figured Jordan would apply to the UC study abroad where they essentially take care of everything. They house you, set up the course work, and group you with other UC students. Well, Jordan decides to study one semester at Sciences Po, a French university with an emphasis on political science. This university provides little in life support, Jordan essentially shows up in France with his luggage in tow, little knowledge of French, a few euros and no where to stay. He has to find his way to the university from the airport and figure out temporary housing. I have not felt this helpless since Jeff went through his surgery. It started the moment I left him at LAX. I became one of those hovering parents tracking his flights to Paris. The problem was the flight tracking dropped off once the plane left the confines of the east coast. Hovering was replaced with a knot of anxiety, mine not Jordans.

On a positive note, we can follow Jordan through his adventures on his blog "Chance, Rants and Fancy Pants" http://jordaninfrance.wordpress.com/. Don't ask me about the title, but I discovered the neat comment feature on the blog. Everyday Gayle reads the blog and yells "I told you so Jordan!!!", goes to write a comment, then calms down. It has become her daily therapy.

Jared just turned 16. The significance of this event is not his growing up as a teenager (subject for other blog postings), or that he has two more years of high school, but that he continually reminds me that I am 40 years older than him. Read on......

My brother in law was recently admitted to the hospital for some work up. While there he was asked by the staff if I was his father. Not once, but twice, by two different people. Now, I know that my hair is grey and thinning (a Wada male trait, sorry guys) has made me look older, but I am only 6 years older than him. This has now become Gayle's favorite story. While I have never seen an entire episode of "Men of a Certain Age", the snippets I have seen ring true. You start dealing with aging parents, health issues such as cholesterol, colonoscopies, and high blood pressure. You start looking at long term care and essentially gambling that you will live to a ripe old age before your retirement funds run out. Being at the end of the baby boom does not increase my chances of any federal support being left. Gayle keeps reminding the boys that our retirement plan is...........them.

More changes to come, oh joy...........